Just Say "NO!"

I just stumbled upon an article online that was written by an obviously defiant and rebellious mom that was bragging about her improper ways. She calls herself "Radical Mommy" to make her behavior look even cuter, but I found what she wrote to be just another example of how SOME parents seem to let their children run the household...and then complain about how hectic and crazy it gets.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/s/#23CAeY/www.momlogic.com/2009/10/candy_dropped_in_pee_radical_mommy.php/

Long story short, "Radical Mom" stated that her son was chewing on a Laffy Taffy when it fell out of his mouth and into the toilet (that he was in the process of using). So as not to hear her son cry, that woman reached into the toilet, got the candy and gave it to that child after washing it off. What's even worse? Many people that responded to her post thought that it was ok to do!

This note is not about giving children dirty candy. This is about setting boundaries. I will shout from the mountain tops, "NO, I DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN." But I do have over 14 yrs of experience from working at child care centers, working closely with families, and add to that over 50 credit hours towards a degree in Early Childhood Education.

Here is what I posted in the comment section for this mother to see:

"I find it appalling that anyone would even consider fishing something out of a toilet for any reason, unless it is something of value that can NOT be replaced: Just to clarify, the example I'll use is a diamond ring.

As a teacher with many years of experience in child care, ages ranging from 3 mos to 10 yrs, I have learned so many things. Unfortunately, it has become apparent that many people are simply afraid to tell their children "no." Along with that, many parents fail to follow through with the necessary consequences for their childrens' actions.

Yes, it may have been an accident, but that still doesn't justify what was done. If parents give in every time their children cry, the only lesson learned is, "If I push hard enough, scream loud enough or cry long enough I am going to get what I want." Each time, the bar is raised just a little more. There has to be a point where a parent puts their foot down and says, "Enough is enough."

Let me ask this. When that child is a teenager and decides that he wants to try some sort of drug, is he going to have the self-discipline to say no? What if he cries and says, "But I REALLY want to smoke it/shoot it." Is someone finally going to step in and draw the line? Or is it going to be too late?

Don't be afraid to say no to your children, even if the best you can do is offer an alternative...and some earplugs. Your child will eventually stop crying and they will continue to love you, perhaps even moreso because of the security that comes with parental guidance."

Instead of "DON'T do this" and "DON'T do that," how about taking a minute to explain what TO do. Instead of constantly saying "NO, NO, NO!" How about taking a minute to talk to the child and help them think of an alternative, or redirect them. Teach them to think for themselves, but at the same time, make them understand that rules exist for a reason.

**This does NOT apply to every parent or child. I do understand that working and having children is exactly like having 2 full-time jobs that never end. I get that. The point is that, when rules are not consistently implemented and a child is allowed to run the household, it breeds chaos...and I find it hard to feel sorry for someone who allows it to happen.

Originally posted on Facebook on October 21, 2009
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