My Life, Your Agenda

There is not one thing in this world that drives me crazier than someone saying to me, "Oh you'll change your mind one day."

Apparently, someone made a rule a long time ago that says everyone is supposed to adhere to a particular agenda. It varies from person to person but this is basically what you're supposed to do:

Graduate High School
Go To College
Get a Job
Get Married
Have Kids
Live Happily Ever After

After I completed number one, I decided that my list was going to be different. And you know what? I'm pretty damn happy about it. I have worked hard all of my life, I have taken on some pretty big challenges and I have become a much stronger person because of it. There are no regrets that I have because I have learned something from every mistake that I have made.

For over 11 yrs I worked at an upscale child care center with ages 12 weeks to 12mos, but I also have a LOT of experience with all ages. I got an up close and personal view of many families, many were genuinely happy, some were constantly stressed and a few seemed down-right miserable. I saw how having children changes relationships, not only with spouses but also with family and friends. People suddenly become experts and want to tell you the best way to do things. Spouses spend so much time focusing on the kids that they rarely have time for each other.

But my main point is this: Having children is not something that should be required to be on everyone's agenda. But I have heard SO many times, "Oh, you'll change your mind one day," with a little condescending pat on the shoulder. It always made me feel like someone was saying, "It's ok, little Christy, when you grow up and mature you will want them." I don't look at someone after hearing that they have kids and say, "Oh you'll regret THAT one day." You know what? I love kids with all of my heart but I love my freedom, my relationship with my husband and my kick-ass life. I firmly believe that there are many people who have kids just because they think that's what they are supposed to do...then there are others who have this dreamy vision of happy babies dancing about and they forget about the impending teenage years. I do know that there are many happy people with happy children and happy marriages that balance all of their time evenly among work, play and everything else so I am not talking about them. I don't need anyone preaching that having children is rewarding. Having a life full of time to spend on your relationship with your spouse is very rewarding too.

So if you happen to ask someone if they have kids and they say something like, "No, and I don't plan on having them," please have enough respect for them to not force YOUR agenda on THEIR life because you think that's what they're supposed to do. There aren't a lot of people that figure out they don't want kids before it's too late...

I am 31 years old, I have been married for over a year but with my husband for over 10 years...I love being able to take road trips all across the United States, learning about the fabulous country in which we live. I love tailgating at a Nascar race, drinking and having a good time with perfect strangers and screaming at the top of my lungs as the fighter jets fly by. I love coming home after work and sitting my butt on the couch and not having to move if I so choose...then again I can jump up and run to the store at a moment's notice without having to make arrangements...hell, we've been known to jump up and drive to the casino in Tunica, Ms on a whim. When we talk about our trips and good times, there are so many people that say they are jealous...that is one of the main reasons why I wrote this. I never ever want to be envious of anyone because I think they can do something that I can't.

I don't get jealous when people talk about their fabulous life with their kids!
I'm glad you're having a blast...so am I.

Originally posted on Facebook on April 28, 2009
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