Even after being with someone for years upon years, every person needs a little reassurance every now and then. Some people give little reassuring gestures and comments all the time without even knowing it. Others need a little reminder to give a little positive reinforcement, or to be kind when giving constructive advice.
My advice to Steve is sometimes in the form of an analogy. I tell him, "If you cook something new and I don't like it and I don't say something right away, you are going to keep on cooking it...and I'm going to have to keep on choking it down." The point being that honesty is the best policy.
Well, most of the time.
Sometimes it may not be bad to exaggerate just a bit, especially if someone seems to need a little pick-me-up. Case in point...the question/answer that led to this thought:
Out of the blue, Steve sometimes feels the need for a little reassurance even though I am constantly giving him positive feedback. His question last night, "What do you like about being married to me?"
Ahhh, the kind of question that a female like me craves!! A thought-provoking invitation for doting all over this man that I married...
"What should I tell him first?" The first thought that comes to my mind..."I love the fact that you are my best friend. That you are the first person I want to talk to after a good day, bad day, any kind of day. I love that I still look forward to seeing you and my heart flutters when I see your truck pull up." He appears to be listening and taking this in, so I take this as an invitation to continue...especially since this is not something that he asks very often. I even went so far as to go Dr. Phil on him, and repeated something I heard him say years ago..."You're my soft place to fall."
Ok, that may be cheesy to some, but if any of you had any inkling of an idea as to what I went through from the end of October, 2009 until after the beginning of this year, you would realize what a strong and supportive husband that he is. And after I had the hardest fall of my life he, in fact, was my soft place to fall. When NOTHING else was right, it wasn't so bad because he was around.
So anyway, I'm continuing with my "girly" answer and trying not to leave anything out. When I finished, I was then curious as to how he would answer the same question. But since he never talks like that I wasn't sure what he would say. So I stuck my neck out and repeated the question to him. And the answer that followed led to the birth of this note.
He said, "Stability in my life."
I almost felt my head nod as if to say, "Ok, that's good. Go on..." But he was done. I felt a smile creeping up to my waiting lips because I wanted to say, "That's all you got?!" But realized that this dude was dead serious. After I just spilled my heart out to him about my aching and undying love, I get a one-line answer in return. And as I thought about it more and more, I coudln't help but think, "Hell, keeping your body on a regular schedule provides stability." Then I'm fighting off the urge to think, "So I provide stability that's as important as regularity." I'm his Metamucil? Well, we'll just call me "Old Faithful."
But it's just a man's way of thinking. It was a typical "Man"swer to a complicated and loaded question.
Steve has been through a lot in his life. He's been through many changes, had some tough blows and he's always ended up back on top. He is a lot tougher than I am because of this...I'm still a softie that easily gets my feelings hurt because I take everything personally.
Regardless, if the first thing he thinks of is that I make life feel stable and "normal," then I'm ok with that. We have both gone a LONG way over the past decade to reach this point, and if that's what it takes to make him happy, then grab the Sunday crossword...
I'd rather be "Old Faithful" than an unpredictable Mt. Saint Helens any day.
Originally posted on Facebook on August 13, 2009
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